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This is a guest review by Brett aka Amtrekker.  Brett spent all of last year travelling around the US.  I offered him a night on our couch while in the LA area, but he must have got a better offer.  I asked him to do this review when I saw his Facebook status with his “Bottom Line” (you have to read the review to see what he says).  I laughed all evening over that.  Do me a favor and when you’re done reading this, go and give his site a looksee.

To put this film in perspective I’d like to use an analogy to which I know we can all relate.

You know that story where your crazy uncle nearly gets arrested for public indecency after an all night drinking binge in a Brussels brothel only to somehow muster the sobriety and broken high school French necessary to talk his way out of a pair of ill-fitting handcuffs?

The first time you hear that story you’re blown away by how unusual it is. But eventually, once you’ve heard the story from every family member with whom you still have contact, it starts to lose its luster. Was it Brussels or Berlin? What was he being arrested for? How was that transvestite involved again?

Finally, Christmas rolls around and just when you thought you couldn’t possibly stand to hear about him anymore, who should stumble through the door, whisky on his breath?

Crazy Uncle Joe!

He has LIVED this story for so long that there is no doubt that this is the best it has ever been told. He builds the story to a climax. Makes you FEEL the tension. Resolves the plot so artfully that you can feel your own anxiety drop and spirits elevate in much the same way Uncle Joe must have felt when those handcuffs came off and he was allowed to walk off into the sunset, sans tranny.

Also, there are giant blue cats fighting robots in 3D. (Analogies always seem to break down in the face of giant blue cats.)

Bottom line: AVATAR’s plot has been told and retold since the beginning of time (or at least since the beginning of Kevin Costner’s career). AVATAR is what you get if FernGully and Dances With Wolves had a loveless tryst in an effort to create a perfect genetically enhanced baby a lá Arnold Schwarzenegger in Twins.

It’s Epic.

It’s Beautiful.

It’s a must see in 3D.

Just remember you’ve already seen it before.

4 cokes. Hold the diet.

Brett.

(So who would be Danny DeVito?)

Tagged as: 4 diet cokes, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brussels, Christmas, Dances With Wolves, Danny DeVito, FernGully: The Last Rainforest, High school, Kevin Costner, movie, review, Twins