Emotional Volcano

Gratuitous picture of Caitlyn. Perfect descriptive pose of how I am feeling.

I started feeling sick at dinner with a friend on Monday.  Stomach turning, mind drifting, not violently ill, but out of sorts.  It was distracting but I hadn’t seen her in a while and I was driving the both of us, so I pushed through but ended the night a little early.

On Tuesday, I got the same feeling at work, but this time the turning of my stomach was “productive”.  After a couple of trips to the restroom I thought I would be fine.  But still the sourness in my stomach and the distance of my mind continued.  All throughout the day I made stupid mistakes.  Putting the wrong name on a party reservation, copying downa a credit card number wrong and easy easy mathematical problems that I could do asleep were giving me issues.  I knew something was definitely wrong.

Today I layed in bed for half an hour after my alarm went off debating whether to even get up.  Is this depression?  Am I “sick”?  the flu is going around am I catching it?  Or is all of this in my head?

I shot off a quick email to a friend for support and she encouraged me to get up and go to work and if I couldn’t handle the whole day to come home early.  But to at least give it a try.

As I was driving to work, I realized what I was feeling.  It was as if a wave of pent up emotions had been boiling inside and I just needed a release.  I recognized the immediate urge to cry for absolutely no reason at all.

I know I’m not pregnant, so maybe this is another symptom of menopause.  There are so many emotions flooding through me right now I need to just cry and sob and rack my emotions out.  But I’m not a cryer.

Many years ago I made myself quit crying.  Sure, I will cry at every single episode of Parenthood, and I will sob wrecklessly when I hear Blue Bayou or The Rose.  But the meaningless cry just because I am sad about my life or my situation?  No.  That’s no longer allowed.

So I sit here and write to you instead.  Do you allow yourself to cry?  Do you allow yourself to feel sad or alone?  Any and all advice is welcomed.

I think I am oging to take a mental health day and go see Les Mis.  That should get some of the tears out of me.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Comments

  1. Jasmine Forte says:

    So sorry you are feeling this way Adrienne. I am an over-crier. I cry at fireworks, commercials, anything Disney, memories and probably the most ridiculous cry was when I realized that my son occassionally needed to use deoderant…he’s only 7!

    If you’re symptoms are more than just emotional it’s safe to say you just need some rest and allow this bug to pass. If you feel it’s more than that, then maybe take a couple days off and get away from your surroundings. Whenever I get really frustrated and feel like I am yelling more than usual, I know it’s time to get away from the daily routine and chaos that is my life. Maybe take a drive to San Diego and enjoy some scenery? Palm Springs? Disneyland!!! Anything…as long as you’re gone for at least 24 hours!

    Sometimes we need to release and refuel. It’s not easy being us! Sending happy thoughts your way!

  2. I’m so sorry, Adrienne. I don’t cry either. I cry in movies (The Impossible made me cry and cry), but don’t usually cry about real life until it’s so overwhelming I have no choice. It’s usually in the car.
    Hopefully this passes soon!

  3. La Primera says:

    I’ve been feeling the same way lately. I haz the sadz.

  4. I cry at random times, or it seems that way anyway. A movie, commercial or a song usually brings up a feeling I had otherwise been ignoring and I start to bawl. I haven’t taught myself how to “stop crying” about my life or my situation, you must teach me this my sensei.

  5. I cry all the time. I feel so good after a good cry. I hope you feel better friend…love you!!

  6. Wow, Adrienne – that kind of unfocused emotion is definitely disconcerting. I bet it IS hormone related and hopefully will pass quickly. (If it doesn’t, you may want to see your doctor, just to check your levels,etc.) I don’t know if it helps to know that you’ve got a lot of friends you can turn to if you get to a point where you need to talk it out. (I include myself in that characterization!)

  7. I hate pent up emotions. I allow myself to cry whenever I feel sadness in my heart. It’s better to deal with emotions head on then postpone and feel overwhelming sadness later. FYI…. I cry at Blue Bayou too…. Especially when Linda Ronstadt sings it.

  8. casadecruz says:

    Sometimes if you are sick and go past your tolerance, you feel exhaustion, and that causes you to want to cry. I don’t cry often, but I do sometimes allow myself to break down if I need to do so. It sounds like you need a break, emotional and mental. Go and do something, just for you, that you like, and that doesn’t accomplish anything. Sounds like you need a Me Day.

Leave a Reply