There is a book by Mercer Mayer called I Just Forgot that Caitlyn llikes to read on my iPod Touch. It is the Litlle Monster character and he goes through his day remembering things he forgot to do. “Sometimes I remember and sometimes I forget” is the first line of the book.
On the first anniversary of my mom’s death I was “kidnapped” by a good friend and her daughter and we spent the evening laughing crying and remembering. My friend had only met my mom once or twice but an impression was made and memories were formed. Although it was cathartic and helpful when I got home that night, I wrote this. It brought me some flack from some family members, my sister in the first comment called me “selfish”, my aunt commented on another family member’s blog with some choice words for me. I clammed up, shut down and vowed to keep it in.
I decided that from then on I would go to bingo each year and spend the time thinking of her and doing something we loved to do together. I went alone each time (to the protest of family and friends) and is was good, it was time to reflect and think and one year I even won almost $700 on a slot machine before bingo even started.
I had the same plan in place for this year, until a former co-worker invited me to a get together at her place with some friends I haven’t seen in a while. I was unsure what to do. I didn’t know if I was going to break down at 9:01pm. I didn’t know if I would be able to stay the whole evening. I took my chances and accepted the invitation.
It was a wonderful evening of reminiscing, talking of futures and presents and pasts. ALthough I checked my ohone often and looked at the time, I never made notice or mention. We played games, we sang Karaoke and by the time we noticed the time it was 2:00AM. By the time I got home and in my bed it was after 3.
When I awoke at 8am I grabbed my iPod Touch and checked face book (doesn’t everyone?) and saw that my daughter posted our favorite pic with the caption “Miss You Bama”. I thought it was random. Then scrolling down my sister posted that she fantasizes that mom will come walking out of her bedroom one day and say it was all a joke. I didn’t think it was out of the ordinary, just odd that she mentioned driving up to Gretchen’s house , I was sure Gretchen was driving down to Indiana today. No matter, I am not driving anywhere so I rolled over and started my day.
As soon as my feet hit the cold wood floor, it hit me. I had forgot. It had completely slipped my mind. WIth a punch to my gut I fell back on my bed and sobbed, part of me missing her terribly suddenly and part of me feeling like the worst daughter in the world. How could I forget? How DARE I forget!?
I pulled myself together and met the family for breakfast. My daughter knew, she knew today would be hard for me. She had planned this breakfast just for me. She knew I would need it. I forgot, but she didn’t. She remembered not only her Bama but she also remembered me.